So, yesterday afternoon around 4:45, I picked up by far the craziest and most vulgar dude I've had yet. It was his birthday, and he was already 8 beers deep, he claimed. He got in with a fairly cute girl (we'll call her Shannon), who I dropped off a couple blocks away at her restaurant in Ballston to go to work. Then I continued on with the guy (we'll call him Steve) all the way to Georgetown, so we had a nice time to chat. Keep in mind that everything Steve was saying here was FAR grosser and more vulgar than how I'm putting it*.
Turns out Steve really really wants to get with Shannon, but even though they hang out a lot, do "non-date dates" all the time, and she's got a "tight little body," and she's apparently all over him when they go out to bars, she's made it clear she isn't gonna get with him. Turns out, also, that Shannon will apparently hook up with everybody, just not Steve. In fact, she has known 7 Steves in her lifetime, and she's gotten with the other 6. Steve says he's spent over 2 thousand bucks wining and dining her over the past few months, he went to her lame-ass Super Bowl party instead of going to his buddy's party, which was a real shame because his buddy lives "in a mansion in Georgetown, well, not a mansion, but as BIG as a mansion," and he had ten strippers over for the Super Bowl party, and one of them did some NASTY stuff* and then showered with one of the guys (but they didn't just shower if you know what I mean), and one of the people at Shannon's lame-ass party was her lame sorta boyfriend, who is boring and not NEARLY as attractive as Steve, and Steve knows that the reason she won't hook up with him isn't his looks (because he knows she hooks up with the lame sorta boyfriend) and it isn't his personality (because she hooks up with all Steve's friends), it's just that he's been put in the "friend" category and he can't get out, even though she says she moved back to DC because Steve is here. And what really makes it rough is that (from his friends) Steve has heard that she's totally freaky* but he just can't get with her. As Steve got out of my cab at a bar in Georgetown, he told me to write down my full name so he could put me on the guest list at this club he was having his party at last night - there was a bus full of AU sorority girls coming down, "so you KNOW we're gonna see some titties!"
*this is where I've deleted some really gross stuff that Steve said